You Unleashed with Femi Akinyemi
You Unleashed with Femi Akinyemi
New Year, New You : How to build better habits and achieve lasting change in 2025
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This episode explores the reasons behind the high failure rate of New Year resolutions and provides actionable advice for making sustainable changes. By focusing on clarity, identity alignment, and small, consistent steps, listeners can transform their approach to personal growth.
• Exploration of common pitfalls in resolutions
• Importance of clarity and specificity in goals
• Role of motivation and cognitive load in achieving change
• Strategies for building sustainable habits
• Aligning actions with identity for success
• Emphasis on consistency in the journey towards goals
• Learning to eliminate distractions for deeper work
• Connecting goals to purpose for greater drive
• Encouragement to reflect on one habit to change
• Call to leverage coaching support for personal growth
This episode is sponsored by MyCareerLabs
Hello everyone, welcome to the latest episode of the you Unleash podcast. I'm your host, Femi Akiyemi, and I'm super excited because this is a new year. New year, new plans, new goals, new you. So what are we talking about this week? The podcast for this week is really about new year, new you, and we're going to be digging a bit into why resolutions fail and how to transform yourself with purpose, and it's really about giving you something to reflect on about how you yourself can make sure this year is a year of real change. Now let's reverse and look at the backdrop. Let's reverse and look at the backdrop.
Femi:If you're someone like me, you make sure on New Year's Eve, you're at a place of faith, at your local church, or you take some time before the year starts or the year ends to reflect and think about what you've done, what you could do better, and then you set out these goals and objectives and say I'm going to achieve this, I'm going to get a promotion. I'm going to achieve this, I'm going to get a promotion. I'm going to earn so much more money. I'm going to take my better half on a date every month. I'm going to make more holidays. I'm going to lose weight. You name it.
Femi:One of the things as human beings, we are hardwired to do is want to do better. It's natural. You want to do better because you were built to be better. So it's normal to want to do better. The problem is actually doing better is a challenge. It's tough, and sometimes you are so stuck in what you used to do that you just go back to it. It's comfortable, it's easy, it's the path of least resistance, it's something you've always done. So what happens? You go to the gym once, you go to the gym twice, and then you wake up and you just go. I'm just going to stay in bed, I will get better someday or I'll improve my weight some other way. It doesn't have to be the gym and before you know it, another year has gone and you're back in the same place. You're setting new goals, you're trying again and the cycle repeats over and over and over and over again.
Femi:Don't be ashamed, don't feel bad in yourself. Um, actually extend some grace to yourself and be forgiving of yourself, because this is it goes beyond you. It is a psychological thing. It is more something that we have to attack at a deeper level. You can't just switch, flick a switch and become a better person overnight.
Femi:The reality is that change is hard. I work with organizations all the time and one of the hardest things is change. One of the things people always tell you is we've always done it this way and you can't tell yourself that because obviously you're the one trying to change. So you can't tell yourself that because obviously you're the one trying to change, so you can't tell yourself verbally oh, femi, I've always done that, but your habits and your comfort zone is your way of actually saying this is what I know, this is what I like, this is what I always do, and you can't get back to it.
Femi:So, happy new year. This is going to be a better year. It's going to be a year that we're all going to grow, we're going to get better by a little bit, because that's all we need. It's going to be a year where I'm hoping it's a healthy year for you. I'm hoping it's a year where all your goals, your dreams, come true. I'm hoping it's a year of health.
Femi:Health is one of the most important things that I've come to realize for all of us. There is no amount of money in the world that can make up for poor health. I remember speaking to someone that is quite successful and quite wealthy, and the person said one of the things that he has come to realize was that when money can't solve a problem, it's usually because the problem is a big problem, and health tends to be one of those things you usually cannot. There are some health problems that money cannot just solve. So I'm wishing that this year is a year of great health for you and it's a year of just joy and progress, because that's what we all want, right?
Femi:So let's get into the message today. Did you know? Here's a start for you 91% of people fail to keep their new year's resolutions, with most people abandoning them by February. Yeah, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about those other people, because you, you always keep your new year's resolution to the end of the year, right? Well, if you're going to be honest, let's be honest. I know that a lot of the times I don't come to my new resolution. I try, but it's just such a struggle to become a different person that I just go back to who I am, because I think who I am is pretty good, right, and most of us just find someone to compare to that. We think I'm better than that person, so that means I'm doing OK. And then we struggle to aspire to becoming the better person we can be okay, and then we struggle to aspire to becoming the better person we can be. So today, why don't we explore why resolutions fail and how you can make lasting changes that focus on better habits, clarity and meaningful goals?
Femi:And the one thing I want to say today is that sometimes we can get overly familiar with the truth. We can get overly familiar with sayings, with catchphrases that we get so familiar that we take them for granted and we're looking for some new truths. We are looking for some new revelations, some new thing out there that is going to make things different from us. Newsflash there is nothing new under the sun. And here's the thing it is those same truths that you have to really unpack to get that new energy from, because those truths are eternal, truths are timeless. Truths are the same yesterday, they're the same today and they'll be the same tomorrow. You see where I'm going with this. So it's you that has to get familiar with the truth and unpack it and get a new revelation, a new energy from it. So you know me, person of faith, I'll always go back to something.
Femi:So romans 12 2 in the good book says don't conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the reigning of your mind. What it's saying to you really is that it's not from looking outward or anything that the change is going to come. Don't try to fit into the world. Don't try to be someone that everyone loves. Don't try to be someone that, just because getting love from people means you can be comfortable where you are, sometimes you have to become a different person, and becoming a different person means shedding old skin and making new acquaintances and doing things in a way that people are not used to you being. All of a sudden, you know. I'll give you a really extreme example. I have a very wonderful friend. She's always on time and all of a sudden I decide I want to be like her and people that are used to me coming late. All of a sudden I just start turning up on time and once I'm there 10 minutes no one's there. I get out. It's going to offend people for a while, but they'll get used to you eventually and that is what it means about renewing your mind and being different.
Femi:So transformation starts with renewing your way of thinking. Transformation starts with aligning your actions with your new person. It's about defining who is this new femi, who is this new person and who? What does that person do? How does that person act? And aligning your thoughts to start to make sure the actions about the person you want to become sync up. I talk about this a lot. There's a word integer. For those of you who are into maths, integer means a whole number. You cannot be someone different outwardly and someone different internally. You have to be the same person. So you have to start making your actions line up with your thoughts.
Femi:So if you're thinking I want to lose weight, your actions have to back that up with doing things that sync up with someone that loses weight. You see where I'm going with this. So why do resolutions fail? Let's talk about some of the common pitfalls.
Femi:Resolutions are often vague and lack clear systems. It's a fact. I want to lose weight, I want to read more books, and that's vague. Okay, you want to read more books? What type of books? When are you going to read the books? How long are you going to read the books? How many books a day? How many books a year are you going to read. How many chapters a year are you going to read? How many chapters a night are you going to read? How are you going to track that you're reading them? Can you see that becomes more clear Because if you go, I'm going to read a book a month and I'll read two chapters a night. That's a system two chapters a night and I'll read a book a month. That is a really clear objective's one object. That's one thing mistake will make.
Femi:Secondly, a lot of us rely on motivation. Unfortunately, motivation feeds, and the biggest example of this is some of us either listen to a motivational message, you listen to this podcast, or you go to church on a sunday and your pastor whoever he or she is they give an amazing message and you're fired up. You're fired up and then you wake up on monday you've forgotten what they told you and you're back to being a new person. Guess what happened? You were motivated, but there was no sustainable habits. The sustainable habits would have been taking that message, reading it and listening to it again, coming up with some clear actions of what you want to do to make sure that message transforms, turns into an action that transforms you, and then something happens. Here's some science to back this up. There's something called the cognitive load theory, and what does that mean? Cognitive load? You're putting too much pressure on your brain, too much load on your brain. Some science to back this up there's something called the cognitive load theory and that. What does that mean? Cognitive load? You're putting too much pressure on your brain, too much load on your brain. You're trying to change too many things at once and this just overwhelms your brain. So what all this comes back to is that it's really about finding a way, whatever your resolution is, to just make small changes. Small changes means that you get better. Small changes also means that you're not putting pressure on yourself and it's achievable and over time, you become a better person. Okay, so that's one of the common pitfalls is that they're vague and people lack motivation. So let's discuss this how do you build better habits? Number one start small, start sustainable.
Femi:There's one of my favorite authors and the book you should. I recommend you read james clare atomic habits. It's small changes create a lasting impact. I'll say that again small changes create a lasting impact, and he always says this in the book. He says every action you take is a vote for the person you want to become. I'll say that again every action you take is a vote for the person you want to become, because the more you do something, the more of it you become.
Femi:Every day you go to the gym and he uses this great example about for those of you who want to become people who go to the gym regularly. He usually he said this is what he used to do. He said go to the gym, but don't spend more than five minutes. Go to the gym, take the weights, go one, two, three, four or just do run for five minutes, come down, go back home, do that over and over and over again. What happens is, all of a sudden you become someone that goes to the gym. And when you become someone that goes to the gym, before you realize it, you start to increase the time you spend there. So instead of saying I'll go to the gym and spend an hour clearly unachievable, or if you do, it's you're setting yourself up to fail. You go little by little and don't worry about impressing everyone. It's just, I want to become a reader of books. I'm reading one page a night. That's all I'm doing. I'll force yourself to stick with one page and you realize as time goes on, you force yourself to stick with one page and you realize, as time goes on, you just start to do better and better and better.
Femi:Second is reframe your identity. You have to align your habits with who you want to become. I've spoken already about it's a vote for who you want to become. Say I'm someone who values health, instead of saying I'll try to exercise, because if you say I'll try to exercise, it just it doesn't have anything to do with identity. But if you go, I am a reader. Instead of saying I tried to read a hundred pages, just go, I am a reader, I am a saver, I am a shrewd spender, I am a planner. Say things that speak to your identity and then, before you know it, your actions start to align with your identity. So it's really about creating better habits and better systems.
Femi:One of the problems we make is that we all try to rush to become this big. We we always think of the destination. The destination is important because that's what inspires you, but in the day-to-day it's consistency. I was speaking to my coach recently and my coach said femi, your problem is consistency. As you start to become more and more consistent, you will naturally build up motivation and inspiration and you have a drive to succeed. So consistency is what we all need. Don't try to do too much, just a little.
Femi:So, speaking of coaching. And so, speaking of coaching, you know building better habits often requires the right kind of guidance. And speaking of coaching, you know building better habits often requires the right kind of guidance. And speaking of guidance, here's a secret success. Here's a secret success we will have that. They don't let you know.
Femi:Even successful people have coaches. Whether it's finding clarity, building confidence or achieving career breakthroughs, coaching is the edge that helps them get ahead. So here's my question why not you? A coach can help you uncover what's holding you back, map out a plan and keep you on track to achieve your goals. I have a coach as well, and it keeps me on track for my goals. So don't wait for success. You have to go get it. Are you thinking of getting a coach? Visit mycareerlabscouk today and discover how coaching can transform your life. Go there and you get a free coaching consultancy worth 30 minutes that helps you create a plan and decide if you want to go the whole way. So I'll say that again Visit mycareerlabscouk and you get a free, 30-minute, free coaching consultancy to help you plan your career and take your career to thecouk. And you get a free 30 minutes free coaching consultancy to help you plan your career and take your career to the next level. So back to the podcast cultivating focus and clarity. That's the next thing we'll talk about.
Femi:You have to eliminate distractions. There's a good saying show me your calendar and I'll show you how productive you are. You have to find a way to eliminate distractions. There was a lady I worked with. She's become a very good friend and I loved the way she managed distractions. When we get to work. She opened up her drawer. She takes her phone, puts it in the drawer, shuts, shuts the drawer and she has two, three hours of intense, deep work. She does not look at her phone for three hours and then she comes back, looks at her phone, gets her dopamine hit, does whatever she needs to do, opens the drawer, puts the phone back in, goes back to work.
Femi:The reality is that one of the things that nobody tells us is that to be able to have good, deep quality in work, it means it needs deep work. So, as you're trying to get better in whatever it is, in that time you're doing what you need to do. You need to find a way to eliminate distractions. Here's an insight multitasking reduces productivity by up to 40 percent, and I quote the american psychological. What there really is is task switching. You're switching tasks very quickly, but what you don't realize is, by switching tasks very quickly, you're failing to give each action the deep thoughts, to give quality that you need. Sure, you do a lot of stuff, but they're all superficial. It's not deep quality and it's not what you really want. So, eliminate distractions, get a clear desk and focus on one thing at a time and do it properly. If you're going to the gym, go for 10 minutes, do it properly and get out and be done with it.
Femi:But here's the other thing we need to do we need to align our goals with purpose. Connect your goals to your why. For greater motivation, it's not enough to just have a goal. Why? Why do you really want to achieve it? Why do you want to lose weight? Why do you want to read more books? Why do you want to become better at time management?
Femi:I want to become a healthy person so I can live a longer life and and live to enjoy the fruit of my labor and see my children grow up. I want to read more books so I become a deeper thinker and I become more knowledgeable. You see what I'm going. Why do I want to become a time manager? So I can become more. I want to be a more effective person that achieves more of my life goals and purpose. You have to have a why more of my life goals and purpose. You have to have a why. So purpose driven goals help you stay centered and focused, because when you have a goal that are purpose driven, it just means there's so much clarity about why you are doing what you do.
Femi:Okay. So here's another thing we need to think about setting and achieving goals. Again, remember what I said about we get too familiar. Think about having smart goals. What are smart goals? What do smart goals mean? It means a goal that is simple, a goal that is measurable, it's achievable, it's realistic and it's timely. Let's take that from the beginning. It's specific and simple. I want to read 10 books a year. Okay, that's measurable, you can measure it. It's achievable, because if you read one book a month or one book every six weeks, you're not far off. It's not, it's realistic, you can do it. It's not like you're saying you're going to read 60 books a year and it's timely. You've given yourself a time to start and a time to finish. That is a that's a clear one. How about another one? I want to save five thousand, whatever currency it is five thousand dollars, naira, pounds and euros, whatever it is by the end of the year, and that just means saving I don't know 200 by. By saving 400 dollars a month and keeping it, you'll achieve your goal. So you have to really clear about what you want to do.
Femi:And here's the second thing you have to visualize success now. But here's another tip. I know people talk about visualizing success and spending time to visualize your goals so that you activate your brain. But here's the other thing we should also spend time visualizing yourself doing the work. Don't just visualize yourself buying a new house or, at the end of the day, seeing I read 10 books. Visualize yourself just as you get to bed opening your book, reading it and closing it. And as you start to visualize it, your brain starts to connect and you find yourself doing what you visualize. It's no secret that the most successful people in the world always visualize success. You can't visual, you can't achieve what you haven't visualized, I'm sorry to say, and the more you visualize, the more it happens. So that was a really deep message, but something for you to really grab hold of, and it's going to take your time and I encourage you to listen to this a few times. But here's some key actions and takeaways.
Femi:Transformation starts with renewing your mind and making intentional changes. Change only comes by being intentional about who you want to become, how you're going to do it. Here's another thing to take away. Number one reflect on one habit or mindset to let go of in 2025. What is one habit for me? I'll speak. It's going to be fear. I'm choosing to live a life of courage and action and just being bold and being fearless. What's the worst that can happen? As long as I'm alive, what's the worst that can happen? I may fail, but at least I had the thrill and the knowledge of trying and going for it and the experience, because the experience of success or failure is so much more richer than the experience of not doing anything at all. So that's me. What are you going to do this year? What's that? One thing. Second start one small sustainable habit this week.
Femi:Don't push yourself Intentionally. Hold yourself back from doing too much. Just do a little and focus on doing a little a lot rather than doing a lot at once, and finally write down your specific, your purpose-driven goal that you want to share around, what you want to achieve. Remember specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely. And, if I can share something, don't measure yourself by other people. I was speaking to my son today and I said to him don't measure yourself by others, and that's one thing I have for you. Do not look at other people and think, oh, this is what they're doing. I want to do it.
Femi:I'll tell a great story. I am a couple of years ago I ran a 10k and 10 000 meters and run 10k, and I ran next to this elderly gentleman and he had a way of running where he'd be limping, like speed walking, and he was just like, almost like a penguin, and I'd be running. But then and I'd go why is this man faster than me? And I'd run, I'd run, get tired, and he was just consistent, waddling along like a penguin, and I would run, then get tired and walk and he'd just keep going. And eventually I realized that life is individual. Everyone has their own race to run. That's his pace and he's going to keep going at it and he got to the end and I got to the end eventually. It and it got to the end and I got to the end eventually, but I was just running up and down, more focused on him than I should be on myself.
Femi:It's not about them. It's about you. It's not about what they think or what they think of you. It's about you being a good, kind, purpose-driven person, achieving what you want to and, as long as you're being true to yourself and you're being a good person, make no apologies to any other person. So let's recap and wrap this up Transformation isn't about resolution.
Femi:It's about renewing your mind and aligning your actions with your purpose. What's your purpose? What are the actions? Make sure your mind aligns to it. Number two this, this year, take small, consistent steps towards your best self. I've spoken about life being life, being individual and everyone having their own journey. Take small, consistent steps to becoming your best self, because transformation happens. Real change happens when your habits, your focus and goals align with your values.
Femi:Okay, so I hope this episode resonated with you and inspired with you. I encourage you to share it with your loved ones, your friends. Subscribe to this podcast. Like. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to my channel and share with other people. If you're listening on your favorite podcast platform, like the the podcast, leave us a review and also share it with others. Okay, and I hope it makes an impact on you, I'm wishing you a super 2025. We're going to go on this journey together. Lots more episodes to come, focusing on how you can unlock your best self, with lots of amazing guests lined up, and just go for it. Get Unleashed, stay Unleashed and have an amazing, wonderful year.
